Mysterious Mornings

I am not a morning person. Anyone who has known me during the morning will probably attest to that in different words, depending on the morning they’ve seen me on. I’ve made a habit of avoiding mornings, with their hustle and bustle and far too comfortable beds. While I was doing my undergrad, morning classes were the worst thing I could think of. That, and morning exams anyway.
Today I sat on the train, going in to a morning class I had thought was cancelled, and realised that perhaps it wasn’t mornings I had trouble with.
I have trouble starting, and doing the ‘right’ things first up. Which made me question, as the hail turned into heavy sideways rain, what it was that I was supposed to be doing in the mornings that upset me so much. There’s a pretty good list of things I ‘should’ be doing, all of which made me feel tight through the chest and anxious.
‘Should’ and I are not good friends.
Over the last few years, Should and I have discovered that our relationship is a bit damaging, and I think I might have to just step back and let Should become one of those acquaintances you nod to in the street. We’re starting with mornings.
A morning ritual is important, it helps the brain get ready for the challenges it will face. So, I’m going to put things into my morning ritual that I like. I’ll make time for the snooze button. And a cup of tea. And I’ll put things that ‘should’ go into mornings somewhere they feel more comfortable.
My writing happens best when I’m okay, rather than when I’m in some kind of emotional turmoil or excitement. And it happens even more easily if I have a routine or a pattern to doing it. Like sitting at my desk and reading over what I need to do and then getting a cup of tea to do it. So my plan is to start finding my ‘should’ writing behaviours and thoughts, and question where they come from.
A writer is someone who writes. I write. I’m a writer. Right now, I don’t need it to be making the necessary steps to turn it into ‘author’, so I’m going to keep trying to find ways to make writing easy.
After all, if it’s easy, maybe I won’t spend so much time worrying about it and more time getting things done. Things that aren’t mucking around with the ponies. Maybe.

Because ponies in hats are cute!

Because ponies in hats are cute!

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